i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
