totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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