Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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