I've blown a few things in my day
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
