At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
