Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
