just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
50% drunk capacity currently
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
