dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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