saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
