Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
