Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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