I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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