Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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