Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
