smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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