i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
