I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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