On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
