well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
