having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
