No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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