I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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