Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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