I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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