He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
