If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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