Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
