Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
