I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
