i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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