Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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