Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just puked most of my soul out..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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