you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
