My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
