I'm drive I can fine osifer
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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