Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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