She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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