do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
