I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
