Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
