What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
