At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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