i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
there was a trapeze. enough said
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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