i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
