it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This baby is an asshole
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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