If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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