nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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