Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's never too late to be topless.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
