We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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