sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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